A Day In The Life/What You Need

It was fun to turn on the radio and hear Sgt. Pepper/A Day In The Life when I really needed to hear it but would have never thought of listening to it. This does not usually happen with the radio, AT ALL, and I almost said, Thank you Q104.3 New York's ONLY Classic Rock Station (God, just the way they SAY that is like completely unknowingly mocking themselves and admitting to being so terrible and useless). But I realized I should thank John Lennon instead. And the rest of y'all Beatles. Kisses. I really needed to hear it because, in order of importance with "1" being the least important: 1) I was high 2) I just recently realized that my Beatles tolerance has gone down... tolerance in the sense of tolerance for alcohol, though, so the opposite of tolerance. I think. Basically, if music gets you buzzed, drunk, creative, happy, relaxed, excited, a whole lot more et cetera, but everyone's tolerance is different for everything. Or maybe like each song is a drug, not alcohol. And each drug (song) lasts a certain amount of time, and affects you in a different way. Gets you a certain level of buzz, a certain level of happiness and new thoughts and feelings depending on.. EVERYTHING. And that's why every time is different, just like every time you smoke weed. Because the situation in your mind and around you is always different and you learn more every time. And some people just don't like doing drugs and they can't appreciate good music and close themselves off and their tolerance for everything is high- that is, they don't let anything just affect them, take control of them. My tolerance is really, really low and I plan to keep it that way; I do have a choice. Basically having a high tolerance is sucking/being boring/being negative/being jaded/or just not liking music.., 3) Something? Oh yeah, it was the words to A Day In The Life. BECAUSE: I was just visiting with Kaitlin in Miami and... our first day, we had such a great day. When we got back to school though, she realized she had lost her phone. The phone was already a replacement phone. It was also a blackberry. She also loses things, ALL THE TIME, breaks things, etc. Among so, so many things I admire about Kaitlin, one major thing is her ability to not let things phase her. She wasn't at all upset about this. "Why dwell on that? We had such a great day. It's inconvenient, but my contract is gonna run out soon anyway and then I get a new phone." Then we had this whole conversation about luck. Kaitlin doesn't believe in it. There are positive and negative and everything-else kind of energies out there. You just have to reel in the ones you want and just ignore the bad ones. Worrying about things serves no purpose. It's not just useless, it's worse, it just makes you feel so bad and nothing even comes of it. The next night, after smoking on the roof of her dorm (we had to climb and shimmy through a locked gate to get up there) we heard some people come out onto the stairwell below us. They were yelling and then one started shaking the gate saying "You will be prosecuted" or something just like that, and they sounded so serious - actually, even Kaitlin looked scared. And so I knew we had to be in trouble. After sitting in a terrified stupor for about five minutes (and just listening to them yell and assuming they were yelling at us) we had to sneak out slowly, still fearing we'd be stuffed into handcuffs the instant we slipped through the gate. We were fine. But we were actually traumatized! Kaitlin really had been scared for a moment! That fact in itself scarier than anything that's ever happened! The next day, as Kaitlin rolled a joint, I asked her where she thought we should smoke today. The roof, she replied. I thought she was kidding! The truth is though, she told me, it was only the association that I feared. What had happened was a coincidence, we know this for a fact. The stupid boys were just yelling at each other. I was being totally irrational, as usual. Fear itself. Seriously. I fear it. And I know it. So as we sat up there, Kaitlin and Rachel and I, talking about scary movies, I brought this up. "I think we should watch one now!" I said. They didn't want to. They don't like them, but not for the same reasons. They just think they're stupid. I'm legitimately scared, but I know it's irrational. It's something I want to confront. The next night, we lost Kaitlin. We searched for her all night in Miami. She had our phones, our wallets. We think she took ecstasy by accident but she swears she didn't. She doesn't know how she ended up twenty minutes away from us. She lost her wallet (her Marc Jacobs wallet, with cash, credit cards, everything, including my license and debit card, and she also lost one shoe). Her attitude was the best. I wanted to kill her - we didn't know where she was for almost five hours, at night. I really wanted to kill her. And you know what I was yelling at her "PAY FOR OUR CAB RIDE HERE! WE WERE SO WORRIED! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!" Something so stupid. And I took her Ray Bans and threw them onto the sidewalk. She didn't care haha. I felt really bad. Nothing happened to them though, and I picked them up and brushed them off and gave them back. She had been sitting "in one place the whole time" (one place in another section of the city mysteriously) "talking to everyone's moms" as they called. My mom had called to ask about my flight plans for the next day, and according to her, Kaitlin had sounded completely content, perky, and collected. The next day I was late to the airport, cutting my flight close. "It's okay," Kaitlin said, "You'll get through check-in and security quickly - who is flying out of Miami at 9:30 on a Sunday morning?" Somehow this comforted me, even though I don't know why she said it. Ha! Where would she make the assumption that nobody flies out of Miami at 9:30 on Sundays? Well I said goodbye, went in, and both lines were terrible. Actually, the worst I have ever seen haha. I missed my flight. I also didn't have my license because Kaitlin had lost it the night before. So thankfully they let me slide with my school ID and then I had to go through extra security et cetera. Ha ha and all these proper looking kids and their families were staring at me like I was a criminal in corduroys, and I had slept one hour the night before and probably smelled like tequila and had a hot mess of a head of a greasy shag. Then I didn't have money for breakfast because my debit card was gone. Then when I came home I had no ID for cigarettes, which is a probably because I had gotten used to sharing a pack a day with Kaitlin. I went to CVS today with Katie to pick up some liquid synthetic energy and cigarettes (because I accidentally sold her some of my Vyvanse in a way that did not allow me to refill my prescription when I needed it, so I have to wait a few days, and I need other fake energy to ease the weirdness of a being a crud again, and I wanted Katie to buy me cigarettes, but she lost her ID too. So we brought up our energy shots to the counter, and as it turns out, there is an age restriction on 5-hour energy shots. And neither of us had ID because in the past few days we both lost our licenses. Ha ha ha ha! It's really funny when you think about it, and it gets even "funnier" (funnier if you want to look at it that way. Which I do.). We're about to leave with redbull instead of the restricted shots, and I can't find my keys. And I never did find those keys. We walked around the store forever, looked everywhere. Eventually had to leave my phone number and a description of my keys. But I had left my phone in the car so I gave my home number, mom's number, and Katie's number. We left my car there and walked home. Hope no one steals it! Then I went to smoke in my basement, and it was the most flooded I've seen it! So I took off my socks and stood in the deep cool water and smoked my bowl. Then we watched Freaks And Geeks. Now I'm here. I'm thinking about this specific way in which I'd like to be more like Kaitlin. I'm realizing that this quality she has, which is one quality about her I think of instantly, will guarantee her happiness. It's the foundation we need; the ability to adapt. She may be scattered, and wildly deviant, but she possesses an impenetrable serenity. What she said about the positive and negative energy out there is true. Spiritually and mentally, there is negativity and positivity, and you just have to be able to recognize that you have a choice. The simplest and hardest thing. I think, since I feel like I've been working on this all year anyway, to just go all out. WHAT YOU NEED. What do I need? I already know. If you know, follow that. Because you're never going to get anywhere with anything else. At least not to the good places. What I was going to say about A Day In The Life, though, was the other part of this. The other part is where you see yourself or your situation in the grand scheme of things. So don't fool yourself. For once be rational. I mean you it's no wonder my heroes are my closest friends and musicianheroes. And myself. I mean it's no wonder that even now, as I start to love school (and I have to live with my absurd parents) I've learned more from Joe Strummer/Kaitlin/Chelsea/Myself (and any other friends and music and other selves) than I could ever imagine P.S. The future is unwritten.