You're Living All OVer Me

Hehehehe. Stealin' titles for my titles. I don't know where to start with ANYTHING right now but I know for sure i CERTAINly owe it to myself to at least post a post. I'm going through this really weird stage of realizing I'm dropping out of school forever, still not quite out of the dark with it and trying to look forward .. today was the realest, once I talked to my RLY KEWL advisor who was like yeshur drop out good call. SUCKAS. HATAHZ. like. it's not even funny. when I really look at it. I'm not even scared looking forward. Well. SCared in the best way. Scared in the bad ways stops now. Yer livin' all over me, bad self. bad life. stupid people. I guess I'm taking control now. I don't even know what that means but I like it. This saturday is going to be really fun, I'm seeing kurt vile with kaitlin in new york and trying to get into dinosaur jr. before then 'cause he's opening for them................. luckily apparently it's the anniversary of their album you'er living all over me so they're playing it in its entirety so that makes it easier for me. kurt vile's going to be amazing. one of the only things i've gotten into lately HA and so signif.

All I Gotta Do Is Take That Love To The Floor

After all I liked the way you were before.

I Don't Wanna Get OVer You

i supposed i should just take prozac right and smile all night
somebody not too nice but sweet n kind
yeurrrrr

Point is how good I feel today and how for whatever reason this playlist "7/31" (that would be 2010 ahh) and trying to find this poem about spring in here, mary oliver, the day i had today, equinox, astro new year first day of spring mmk also how beautiful today was and i got every minute of sun I could up on the roof and i laaked it alottt
go back to those gold sounds
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so essential
a doyyyyyy okay maybe the point is i need to get UNJADED somehow unlearn some things of the dark side of life cause i really know both but how is it that... well i don't know i know it's crazy but i feel like i could be bipolar but not in the normal way... so not at all i guess but.. mannn can't deal with all the oppositions i need the help of an astrological professional. and then i need to be shipped off to the golden state and be let free to play and live and work. and mostly being there with kait and doing our lives finally exactly how we wanna do them, and doing all kinds of astrology things and surfing hiking biking running loving life gardening i'd be writing and doing something with music and we'd just grow beautiful weed and have the most wonderful friends (and boyfriends) murrrrhurrrr! I forgot what I was talking about. pre-temple i was not jaded yet totally... i'm going to chose to not be anxious. murrrrhurrr!

so drunk in the august sun! except SPRING SPRING come back to this SHITE this has been such a weird transition into spring

and yeah I don't wanna get over you being so good right now when i don't feel sad or really that way for maybe once in my life. it sounds ironic to me becuase there is a really happy feeling to it like oh hell im just gonna chose to be blind to this idealized love or whatever haha but right now to me it means just like, i need to get my spark back, passion, fire, whatever it is cause helloooooo remember like that whoooole thing maybe i forget becauuse that tattoo is on the back of my neck HMMM so yeah i don't wanna get over love and right now that means MYSELF and LIFE and my personal PASSIONS/LOVES cause I'm fuckin losin' it. but anyway, ONWARD!

I Got My Uzi Back

HAHA Face it the Wu is back, Uzi being a metaphor for everything like my mojo, gun as in GOT YOSELF A GUN, fire (let me stand me stand next to your fire) (and the rest is obvious), how stella got her groove back, ANYHOW I feel great I dunno all is aligning it feels like, gotta check out what the planets are doing OR stay blind to it and roll with it and check later, mhmmm, i need to start using this blog for lots of things to like remind myself

1. Running, it's time to start writing about it cause it's starting to get exciting as I get over all these humps the past few days I've been having manic runner's high plus I've been having good highs
2. THIS FUCKING BOOK I READ LAST NIGHT changed my whole perspective and opened up legit musicology to me it's just this series book called Mark E. Smith and The Fall that looked biographical and basic but is anything but (but I guess that would be impossible with the fall really) - holy shit - never have I enjoyed reading so much, never have I realized that there is literature/scholarly-ship out there which is SO DENSELY packed (and well-written/mature writing/lots of big words that I actually want to learn the meaning of and tie it all together and learn how to write and express myself about it and have exchanges about all day) with the kind of ideas I think about all day. And my reading comprehension was like actually up to speed whereas usually I can't focus...
3. Astrology and shit
4. FUcking... making mixes and getting real manic, revisiting old songs, writing for Steph about her mix, and Johnny Appleseed and this beautiful fucking day that smelled like spring
5. M.I.A. in "The Turn" just said something about lookin in the mirror for your horoscope, I need to get on that compilation of astrology references in music LOL
6. Food, because I'm getting excited about feeling in control of it, learning to cook things, learning to like feed my body for running and make good meals and trying to lean towards a vegan diet as much as I can and continue to learn about that
7. I need to be more focused and in control and devoting proper attention to shit like this otherwise I'll go crazy, I'm gonna read all the books in that series and be a secret musicology scholar and just declare it a part of my degree when I graduate, if I can study until then alongside my school studies. Why the fuck not...
8. I'm weening myself off zoloft even though I'm supposed to wait until I see Dr. at home but I feel really good about getting off that.... could change a lot and I feel like it is already why am I sooo sensitive to medications it's crazy it's making it extra hard for my grand fuckin fixed cross self (MMHMM that's the next thing...) to figure out who I am and how I feel and how to handle it
9. Have to figure out more about my grand cross in my birth chart - and the other day I was thinking about really how. many. things can be shown in the conflicts between all those signs A MESS I need to figure out how to "ride the wave" which seems to be the puzzle of my life and I can't tell if it's simpler or more complicated than it seems
10. I need to suck it up and do yoga cause everything about it is what I need I think
11. The Fall are the greatest band ever LOL throwback

The NWRA!

OH MY GOD I'm WRITING AGAIN!!! I was gonna start a new blog because it's been so long and I thought a new beginning was necessary but sometimes that's bullshit... like all my little journals where I write some big introductory thing on the first page and find them a year later... whooops... Well what's happening right now is that I've been majorly depressed for quite some time, I'd say last September (2010) it started to start, and then really started last December (2010) and I've been coming out of it since this past August (2011) but since this past December (2011) I've reached a new stage of coming out of it. I'm talking about that because the thing is, everything is interconnected, and if you notice, I've written on this blog maybe once since the start of all that. Everything's going uphill now though and many changes have taken place to bring me to a place as good as and sooo much better than before, but one thing that's missing is writing. It's still hard for me to make time for writing for myself, writing about music, writing to communicate with friends, or even REALLY taking the time to just... indulge in music obsession. There's no question that I'm about 95% repressed as hell and I already know that liberation lies in my EFFORTS even if they're baby steps. For whatever reason, it's been taking me a long time to warm up to writing and music again as INTEGRAL absolutely ESSENTIAL facets of my everyday life. I think the more I write the more I'm going to feel validation of what have become very wishy washy reasons for living, positivity, and whatnot... negativity is so easy and has become a VERY BAD habit of mine and I didn't even realize it. It's gonna take a lot of training to get out of it. It started tonight cause I wanted to make a mix for Steph, and obviously the whole process was... CATHARTIC! As Steph would say. My new favorite word. Everything is cathartic! And then I went to make a Fall mix for Poods and got to talking to him about THAT. AY DIOS! Baby steps! Also I've been making a point to wander in the music section every time I'm in the library and I keep finding new gems and they're not even due back until April so I've got some reading to do!! Yeahhhh that's all I'm gonna write for now but I'm gonna just LEAVE THIS TAB UP or at least put it on the bar, and go smoke some weed and make Steph's track list which is gonna include short (we'll see about that) little notes about each song. Zippity dooda. Watch this positivity spread to the rest of my life like it's sposta... it's all connected folks.